My senior year of high school I made a pact with the a few underclassmen that became a lot like family to me, and we decided to wait until we walked across the stage on each of our graduation days to have sex for the first time. After that moment, everything would become fair game! If you made it across the stage still a virgin, then you could get a clock tattoo with your graduation date in it. If you broke the pact, the punishment was a broken clock tattoo with the date you lost it–nobody wants that reminder, so hopefully everyone makes it across the stage intact. My thigh tattoo reminds me of a sense of accomplishment. It wasn’t until recently, that I figured out that I could wait until I get married to have sex–and actually want to! I believe that sex will be a much better experience if we wait to do it with the person we’re intended to do it with.
3% of Americans wait until marriage to have sex and in highly religious groups, up 20% wait until marriage successfully (Mike). This shows that waiting until marriage isn’t an easy task, regardless of what you believe in, simply because our flesh has its own desires. This is why I believe that I’ve accomplished something by waiting because it’s so difficult and so rare! You won’t run into too many people who can say they waited until they were married to have sex. There was a post on Twitter that said, “Can we date without having sex?” (HBCU). Almost every comment made it seem like that one thing was unheard of or impossible. Shortly after I was hanging out with my brothers, and one of them said, “You and Karlin [one of our friends] are the only people I know who will be in a whole relationship and not have sex.” It used to sound like an insult but now we ‘re appreciated for being able to wait for as long as we have. Being different is now praised in this generation.
It doesn’t help that temptation is all around us and the people we surround ourselves with are not even thinking about waiting. Sex is normal now and it has no significant meaning for men or women. It used to be sacred for women more than men but now they want it just as badly. My older guy friends used to tease my guy friends that were my age because they hadn’t had sex yet which made them go out and do it with girls they really didn’t care about. Most of their advice to me was that it wasn’t worth it at the time and could have waited, but now that they’ve done it, they can’t stop… or would rather not. If you asked me what my friends’ relationships are to the people they lost their virginity to is, now, I’d tell you there isn’t one. By age 20, 75% of Americans have had premarital sex and that number rises to 95% by age 44. Even those who abstained from sex until 20 or beyond, 81% have had premarital sex by 44,” (Warner). Premarital sex is the norm and has been for decades now. You should give up that special piece of yourself to someone you absolutely love.
You can only lose your virginity once and soul ties are very real!
In “The Power of Soul Ties” Keyes explains,
It’s the idea that certain actions can connect you to a person and cause you to bond in a way that is not easily broken. Typically, soul ties are said to come from sex. It’s the physical act of giving yourself to another person that makes you vulnerable to such a connection.
In a healthy relationship, sexual intercourse is used to unify two people in a way that is nurturing and empowering. It is the manner in which a couple shows their love and commitment to one another. However, in a volatile, hostile or unhealthy relationship like mine, sex causes you to tie your soul to someone who is disempowering and damaged.”
When you aren’t married it makes it a lot easier to end up in an unhealthy soul tie, which leads to having many of them because you create a soul tie with each person you have sex with. You start wondering why you feel “nasty” after every time you have sex, when it’s supposed to be a celebration. You begin to act like that person unknowingly; they always say you start to act like the person you’re with. You start making excuses for their actions and why you must stay which is pushing your support system away. “A negative soul tie will cause you to believe that love is supposed to feel like sadness” says Keyes. In society today everyone feels like love is supposed to hurt. You go through things in every relationship, but that experience should not be described by “hurt”.
I was involved with this guy and I told him how I believe us having sex would create soul ties that I wasn’t ready for, because we were so young and not married. Later on, this boy says, “I feel like are souls are already tied”. I couldn’t do anything but laugh because the things a person will say to get in your pants amazes me! If he can’t wait, then let him be free. If it’s not absolutely what YOU want to do, don’t give in, because you’ll regret it.
According to the Institute for Family Studies website, “a lot of partners means a lot of baggage, which makes a stable marriage less tenable” (Wolfinger). If you had no partner before marriage then you had no chances of having a child already, which sometimes takes a toll on people’s relationships. The past finds its way into marriages. He says that women with 0-1 partners were least likely to divorce. People with multiple premarital partners are able to do a lot of comparing to the last person they were with. Those who’d rather not wait could easily say that what if you wait and then you don’t enjoy having sex with that person like you do others? Well that’s why you should wait because you shouldn’t base the relationship off that component. It will be easy to spice things up in the bedroom after you are married. Others might say that people have needs, but I bet if you wait it out those needs could be met in ways you couldn’t even think to imagine. If you’d like to have long lasting and happy relationship it would be ideal to wait to have sex.
Imagine being extremely crazy about someone and that person feeling the exact same way about you. The passion is so deep that you desire every intimate and personal feeling about yourself to be experienced with that special someone. You would be so comfortable and free with everything you do because that person would be your best friend. You guys can go get checked for STDs and have the discussion without it being awkward. On the upside of that if you both waited, you’re more likely to come back with clean results. People who aren’t married are more likely to get an STDS than those who are married because they are sleeping with people so freely. Focus on the Family says we should wait because “In addition to the risk of contracting STDs and AIDS or getting pregnant, premarital sex leads to emotional distress, distrust, regret and emptiness. That’s because sex connects two people in body and spirit; it’s impossible to separate the two” (“Why Wait”).
Hip hop star Lyfe Jennings sings “S.E.X. take a deep breath and think before you let it go”. This song is so powerful because it’s coming from a man and it takes a woman’s point of view. You don’t have to have sex to prove that you love someone. Lala Brown sings, “Hold on to your innocence, use your common sense, you’re worth waiting for”. People often forget to tell their family or friends that if a person really loves you, they won’t have a problem with waiting.
Sex is very common but it’s also very special. Waiting gives you a better chance of a happy marriage. Waiting makes it least likely to contract an STD. Waiting means that your soul will only be tied with the one person its intended to be tied with! It’s such a reward to know that someone will literally wait for you until you’re ready! But the real reward is when you finally get married and know you’re ready because you feel safe and protected with the love of your life.
@HBCUfessions. “Can we have sex without dating?”, Twitter, 19 Nov. 2018, 11:00 a.m., twitter.com/. Accessed 19 Nov. 2018.
Jennings, Lyfe, LAla Brown. “S.E.X.”, Youtube, RTY Jade, 13 June 2010, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o369YXAub4g, Accessed 19 Nov. 2018.
Keyes, Jazz. “The Power of Soul Ties”. Jet , EBONY Media Operations, 12 Oct. 2016, https://www.jetmag.com/jetlove/relationships-soul-ties/. Accessed 11 Nov. 2018.
Mike. “4 Cool Statistics About Abstinence in the USA”. WaitingTillMarriage.Org, WaitingTillMarriage.Org, 30 Nov. 2012, http://waitingtillmarriage.org/4-cool-statistics-about-abstinence-in-the-usa/. Accessed 11 Nov. 2018.
Ream, Luz Ivonne. “Will Sex Before Marriage Help Or Hinder A Relationship?”. Aleteia, Aleteia SAS, 9 Aug. 2018, https://aleteia.org/2017/08/09/will-sex-before-marriage-help-or-hinder-a-relationship/. Accessed 11 Nov. 2018.
Warner, Jennifer. “Premarital Sex the Norm in America”. WebMD , WebMD LLC, 2005-2018, https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20061220/premarital-sex-the-norm-in-america. Accessed 11 Nov. 2018.
“Why Wait For Sex”. Focus on The Family. Focus on The Family, 1997-2018, https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing-for-marriage/why-wait-for-sex/why-wait-for-sex. Accessed 11 Nov. 2018.
Wolfinger, Nicholas H. “Counterintuitive Trends in the Link Between Premarital Sex and Marital Stability”. Institute for Family Studies, Institute for Family Studies, 6 June 2016, https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability. Accessed 11 Nov. 2018.